10 Most Truly Abysmal Band Names

And here it is!!!   This is the long-awaited list of the Top 10 Most Truly Abysmal Band Names…band names that are cool, funny, clever, crazy or whatever, as long as they’re memorable but not a household name.

Take a look, have a laugh and click on the links…you just might find your new favorite band!

woo1. Tricky Woo – Because I don’t know what the hell it means…and it makes me laugh!  Thanks to my bro Paul Ledoux for introducing me to this band.

mudhoney2. Mudhoney – Just gotta love a grunge band name taken from a Russ Meyer film.  It actually is a good descriptive for the gooey, sludgey sounds the band still makes to this day.  Great call, Darren.

neds3. Ned’s Atomic Dustbin – The name just makes me smile.  I don’t even know exactly why…it just sounds cool.  Thanks for the suggestion, Greggo!

frost4. Celtic Frost – One of my all-time favorite band names…just really cool with a real mystique about it.

MC5. MC 900 Ft Jesus – Originally a team with DJ Zero (now out of the music biz since 1995), I’ve always thought this was the most OTT rap name ever.  The name was taken from a sermon in which Oral Roberts claimed that he had received a vision of a 900 foot tall Jesus, who commanded him to build a hospital on the campus of Oral Roberts University.

cage6. Cage the Elephant – Because it’s unique…and SO open to interpretation.  I  hope they’re around for a long time.

gruntruck7. Gruntruck – I remember seeing these guys open for Circus of Power (another cool name) at the Varsity Theatre in Baton Rouge, LA back in ’95 (calling Paul Ledoux!).   Just a cool sounding name that also describes their sound quite well.  This inclusion dedicated to lead vocalist/guitarist Ben McMillan, who died from diabetes on January 26, 2008.

bark8. Barkmarket – Another one that I love because it makes me crack a smile. Totally fun band name and quite the radical sound to go with it.

skinny9. Skinny Puppy – There really is nothing more to say.  I mean really…   Thanks Darren for reminding me of one of my fave band names from my college days.

wfn10. World Famous Nobodies – Maybe I’m biased ‘cuz it’s the band I’m in, but when my bro Paul Ledoux came up with this name I thought it was the coolest name I ever heard. And it never fails to make me crack a smile to this day.

wellhungarians11. The Well Hungarians – I know nothing about this band except that they’re a country band…and I don’t care.  I just can’t stop laughing.  As you’re reading this, I’m probably still laughing.  It’s your fault, Greggo!

Honorable Mention: Melvins, That Petrol Emotion, Curve, Swell, Amorphis, Clutch, Toadies, Atomic Bitchwax, Killer Dwarfs, Kyuss, Revolting Cocks, Liquid Jelly Monkey Love, Mercyful Fate, Monster Magnet, Strapping Young Lad, Morphine, Trouble, Obituary (THE perfect death-metal band name), Machines of Loving Grace, Spot, Ween, Zen Engine, Ancient Chinese Penis, Prong, Missing Persons, Camper Van Beethoven, Circus of Power, Butthole Surfers, Green Jello, Afghan Whigs, Buck Owens and the Buckaroos, Jodie Foster’s Army, Meat Puppets, Jimmy’s Chicken Shack, Winona Riders, Big Audio Dynamite, Chumbawamba, Snot, Dead Kennedys, Lard, 1000 Homo DJ’s, Pig Face.

Special thanks to Greg “Greggo” Liebrand and Darren “Darro” Cochran for some truly Abysmal recommendations.

Tricky Woo – Sometimes I Cry

1999 Sonic Unyon

On any given day, this is my favorite album of all time.  If every band in existence had the sheer energy, conviction and sense of reckless abandon contained on this disc, the world would be a better place.   Everything Jet, Wolfmother and all the other hip retro bands are doing was done better and done first by Tricky Woo right here on this collection of chaos disguised as songs.

The best way I know of to describe the sound is the energy and intensity of Jimi Hendrix’s classic “Fire” juiced up with crisp modern production values and undoubtedly a whole lotta beer.    Seriously…this is the kind of insane racket your parents were afraid you would create when they bought you your first guitar or drum set.

Yep, the whole thing just explodes out of your sorry woofers (thank you Martin Popov) with a relentless drunken conviction that is absolutely infectious on opening instrumental kicker “Altamont Raven” and doesn’t let up for even a second.  The whole thing clocks in at about a half hour and leaves you absolutely exhausted in the best way possible.

If you’ve had a bad day or are dreading your drive to work in the morning, put this on the ol’ car stereo and it’ll put a smile on your face…guaranteed.  You’ll find yourself singing along to some of the dumbest (and I mean that with the utmost respect!) lyrics you’ve ever heard…and loving every minute of it!

To wit:  “Fly the Orient” (‘I’m not a man, I’m a coastline.’), “Let the Good Times Roll” (‘And I know where I’m goin’, I’m gonna let the good times roll.’), “Born Due” (‘I get up in the morning just to get down.’), and the immortal chorus of “Sad Eyed Woman” (‘I’m gonna save you with rock and roll, rock and roll, rock and roll.’).

All of this could be cause for eye rolls if not for the fact that the energy and conviction are off the charts and the songs themselves are so damn good and full of hooks.  The opening riff of “Born Due” has to be one of the coolest riffs EVER, and the aforementioned chorus of “Sad Eyed Woman” just stomps relentlessly with a crazed confidence.

Do yourself a favor and order it online, as it was never released in the US.  This disc is Fun with a great, big, fat capital ‘F’.

Rating:  5 out of 5